CAN YOU FEEL HAPPY WITH A CHRONIC ILLNESS?

Bonjour, 

As I write this blog I realise that it's been over 15 years since I first became ill. Through 2002 I gradually deteriorated. By the start of 2003 I completely collapsed and thought my life was over. I went through many emotions. I was frightened and confused. I was angry and frustrated. I became somewhat depressed. I could see my life slipping away. I contemplated suicide. I went into grieving. I thought that I would never be happy again. 

However with time there has come some acceptance and with this new ways to be happy. I have tried to turn the negative into the positive. I've tried to rebuild a life, a life with a chronic illness. 

I believe that how we deal with chronic illness depends on how we deal with other things in life. We are all different and some cope better than others. If we are ill for a long period of time it's not helpful to be always miserable and moaning about our lot. Of course we are bound to have days and moments when we feel down and feel the huge sense of loss. 

One of my friends recently wrote " Loss of independence, job, social life, ability to drive, work, go on holiday, go out on my own again - something I have not done since 2004. How can you be both happy, and ill? I have been asked this. Well, 14+ years would be a bloody long time to spend moaning about it. Oh, I have my moments!" 

And I do as well! There are times when I still feel angry, frustrated and even have a good cry. BUT life is too short. We need to be grateful for life despite having a chronic illness. 

I consider myself, like my friend, a person who is naturally happy, optimistic and positive. Although I totally understand for some people depression comes along with chronic illness and they find it hard to be happy. 

For those who find it difficult to cope here are a few tips

1. Accept that you need to slow down and know your limits. 
2. Look after yourself and be selfish. What do you and your body need?
3. Try to find something good in every day, no matter how small. 
4. Remember that chronic illness is only one part of your life. You may still be able to enjoy other aspects of your life. 
5. Try to find a purpose in your life. It will no doubt have changed with chronic illness but you still may find new pleasures and challenges. 
6. Connect with people who make you happy and with whom you may share your feelings.   

Feeling happy may also depend on your circumstances and feeling that you have love and support from family and friends. Not everyone has that. 

In March 2003 my circumstances unexpectedly changed. I was lucky when I  found love and someone to care for me. For a while this brought some happiness into my life. 

A lot of my happiness and sense of purpose has arisen from my poetry and my writing.   

Happiness has also come from the wonderful friends that I have found in the ME community. Many of these friends I have never met but their kindness and support has helped me enormously. 

Happiness sometimes comes from simple things - 

• the sun on my face
• listening to a bird sing
• listening to a good audiobook 
• being able to read a book
• listening to my favourite music
• finding something that makes me laugh
• having a shower
• a good night's sleep
• a nice cup of tea or coffee
• a piece of chocolate or a biscuit
• having a cuddle with my cat
• a kind word or compliment
• being able to talk to a friend   
• helping others

Happy

I used to be happy

Look forward to each day

Then M.E. came along

And took it all away!

My happiness was gone

Replaced by a grieving

Anger and frustration

And numb kind of feeling.

I thought life had ended

And chance for happiness

With all my days now filled

By this chronic illness

Yet slowly there has been

Acceptance within me

Adjustment of my life

New ways to be happy. 

What makes you happy? 

I look forward to hearing from you. 

À bientôt

from the French Femme

xxx

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Bonjour, 

I want to start my first blog of 2019 on a positive note. So I send all best wishes to those suffering with a chronic illness and hope that this year will be a better and healthier one. We need to hold on to hope. 

I had started to write my blog last week but on reflection felt it was all too depressing and too negative. So I have amended it a little. Yet I can't pretend that all has been well. It's been a difficult time for me over the christmas period.   

As you may know my recent blogs have been about the emotions that we often go through with a chronic illness like M.E.

The emotion that I've been experiencing recently is that of feeling miserable. This is as a result of continuous severe pain, exhaustion, poor sleep, loneliness, estranged from some family, other family and friends at a distance, cold and damp weather, dark days and reminders all around me of christmas in happier and healthier times. 

At times like this it's hard to keep fighting, hard to keep hoping, hard to be happy, hard to pretend, hard to keep on living   

Miserable

Miserable with no ending in sight

I no longer want to keep up the fight

Now my life has lost all of its meaning

And with it my hope for plans I`m dreaming

How can I go on yet another day?

If I had faith perhaps then I could pray

Nothing seems to have changed with the years past

And I feel my life is declining fast

Miserable and sorry for myself

As if the world has left me on a shelf

Miserable with no ending in sight

But perhaps tomorrow I`ll feel alright!

I have previously written about pain in another of my blogs ' What is your pain level today?'.  This time my pain was at the back of my head, my shoulders and going down both arms. It's a common and reoccurring pain problem for me. I do suffer from other pain issues but this is by far the worst. Pain is one of the many symptoms of M.E.  

Pain

Pain in my head

Face or eyes

Throat and glands

Enlarged in size 

Pain in my neck

And shoulder

That makes me

Feel much older 

Pain in my ribs

And my thighs

That takes me

By some surprise 

Pain in my wrists

And each hand

Hard to grasp

Or understand 

Pain in my legs

And in my knees

New to me

How to relieve? 

Pain in my feet

And my toes

Even down

To both my soles! 

Pain in my bones

All way through

It`s so hard

What can I do? 

Fortunately the pain has eased after a week of intensive treatment and rest. I'm starting to feel a bit more positive again. 

One of my good M.E. friends has recently written an excellent blog 'Resolution time and appreciation' which reminded me that I should appreciate what I have  and be grateful for the simple things in life; to be thankful that I'm still alive and able to get up out of bed each day; thankful that I can still see and hear; thankful that I have a comfortable home; thankful that I have some wonderful friends; thankful for the love of my cat Florence. 

So tomorrow is another day and it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself - well for the time being at least! 

A bientôt

From the French Femme

xxx