Tuesday 31 July 2018

FEAR

Bonjour, 

In my blog of June I promised to write about another emotion that we may face. 

So this time I want to write about FEAR. 

FEAR can be an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm. We often associate fear with some horror film or dreadful event but it can occur in our daily lives. 

FEAR is an emotion but it can also can manifest itself in a physical way by anxiety or panic attacks

It seems that anxiety symptoms and panic attacks are often experienced by people with M.E. or Fibromyalgia.  

I have suffered from both of these. 

My panic attacks occur in situations of stress and where I feel that I have no  control. They are most unpleasant and intense with increased heart beat, chest pain, unable to breathe which leads to tingling and numbness in my hands, sweating, as well as feeling sick and dizzy. A previous doctor prescribed medication which helped and of course things like deep breathing (especially into a paper bag) with relaxation helps recovery from such an attack. In the long term I have eliminated the sources of stress as far as possible and know when and how to avoid situations that will bring on such an attack. 

More recently I've suffered feelings of anxiety as a result of stress and worry, notably over my claims for benefit and financial problems. These feelings are not as intense as a panic attack and for me mostly occur at night time. Once again I asked my doctor for help to cope with this anxiety and she prescribed a natural supplement which has helped me through a difficult period. Thankfully the source of that anxiety has gone away - for now. 

So let's take a closer look at what is at the root of our FEAR 

It could be any or all of the following
  • fear of not being able to make a living
  • fear of losing everything
  • fear of the unknown
  • fear of change
  • fear of not being understood
  • fear of the pain that may never go away
  • fear of so many symptoms 
  • fear when we can't breathe and 
  • fear we may be having a heart attack  
  • fear of loneliness
  • fear of being alone and unable to cope
  • fear of being abandoned 
  • fear of examinations, treatments and never ending tests
  • fear of hospitals and doctors who disbelieve us
  • fear of not being able to explain
  • fear of being told that you are a fake 
  • fear of being forced into treatment like GET (graded exercise therapy) or CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy)  that only makes us worse
  • fear for the future
  • fear that you are going to die


Fear
That no one can understand me
Hide the truth or I’ll seem crazy
Fear
To pay my doctor a visit
He may say there’s nothing in it!
Fear
Of all the tests I’ll have to make
Results making me look a fake
Fear
I’ll be asked to do CBT
Say I’m depressed or unhappy
Fear
That I’ll be forced to follow GET
And all of their demands be met
Fear
I’ll be left totally alone
With no help, to cope on my own
Fear
Of a future that now looks bleak
What can I do feeling so weak?
Fear
That my life has come to an end
A prayer to God I must now send!




I'm not sure that I suffered like this before becoming ill but I know now that I have to try as far as possible to eliminate triggers that make me feel worse. 

I can't live in perpetual fear. 

I have reduced the sources of stress and worry as far as possible. 

I have increased my practice of meditation. 

I talk about how I'm feeling with others whenever possible or I write them down. 

However in life it's impossible to totally avoid all stress and worry. 

Perhaps the key is in how we manage it. 

What do you think? 

A bientot
The French Femme   
xxx

Thursday 19 July 2018

I NEED A HOLIDAY

Bonjour, 

It's that time of year when lots of people go on holiday but not me. 

Many of us with M.E. are unable to go on holiday as our resources are limited and we are just too ill. 

It's not just missing out on a holiday in the normal sense but having a break from the life of never ending illness. 

So I thought that I would revisit one of my poems about the need to have a holiday from M.E. 




Holiday

I need a holiday
To walk away from me
To become someone else
And to live normally

I want a holiday
A break from all the pain
I’ve forgotten what’s it’s like
To feel normal again

I need a holiday
To escape from M.E.
A break from this battle
That I must face daily

I want a holiday
A break away from me
A break from this illness
To become M.E. free

I need a holiday
To escape this life now
To rediscover me
If only I knew how


Wouldn't it be wonderful to have even just one day or a weekend when we feel well, normal and able to do all the things that other healthy people are able to do? 

Wouldn't be wonderful if we could go on holiday without suffering payback?

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have our lives back? 

Maybe one day. 

I think we have to live in hope. 

In the meantime I'm going to try and compensate with other small pleasures. 

I do have some gluten free ice- cream in my freezer 😃 




A bientot 
The French Femme 
xxx