HAPPY NEW YEAR

Bonjour, 

I want to start my first blog of 2019 on a positive note. So I send all best wishes to those suffering with a chronic illness and hope that this year will be a better and healthier one. We need to hold on to hope. 

I had started to write my blog last week but on reflection felt it was all too depressing and too negative. So I have amended it a little. Yet I can't pretend that all has been well. It's been a difficult time for me over the christmas period.   

As you may know my recent blogs have been about the emotions that we often go through with a chronic illness like M.E.

The emotion that I've been experiencing recently is that of feeling miserable. This is as a result of continuous severe pain, exhaustion, poor sleep, loneliness, estranged from some family, other family and friends at a distance, cold and damp weather, dark days and reminders all around me of christmas in happier and healthier times. 

At times like this it's hard to keep fighting, hard to keep hoping, hard to be happy, hard to pretend, hard to keep on living   

Miserable

Miserable with no ending in sight

I no longer want to keep up the fight

Now my life has lost all of its meaning

And with it my hope for plans I`m dreaming

How can I go on yet another day?

If I had faith perhaps then I could pray

Nothing seems to have changed with the years past

And I feel my life is declining fast

Miserable and sorry for myself

As if the world has left me on a shelf

Miserable with no ending in sight

But perhaps tomorrow I`ll feel alright!

I have previously written about pain in another of my blogs ' What is your pain level today?'.  This time my pain was at the back of my head, my shoulders and going down both arms. It's a common and reoccurring pain problem for me. I do suffer from other pain issues but this is by far the worst. Pain is one of the many symptoms of M.E.  

Pain

Pain in my head

Face or eyes

Throat and glands

Enlarged in size 

Pain in my neck

And shoulder

That makes me

Feel much older 

Pain in my ribs

And my thighs

That takes me

By some surprise 

Pain in my wrists

And each hand

Hard to grasp

Or understand 

Pain in my legs

And in my knees

New to me

How to relieve? 

Pain in my feet

And my toes

Even down

To both my soles! 

Pain in my bones

All way through

It`s so hard

What can I do? 

Fortunately the pain has eased after a week of intensive treatment and rest. I'm starting to feel a bit more positive again. 

One of my good M.E. friends has recently written an excellent blog 'Resolution time and appreciation' which reminded me that I should appreciate what I have  and be grateful for the simple things in life; to be thankful that I'm still alive and able to get up out of bed each day; thankful that I can still see and hear; thankful that I have a comfortable home; thankful that I have some wonderful friends; thankful for the love of my cat Florence. 

So tomorrow is another day and it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself - well for the time being at least! 

A bientôt

From the French Femme

xxx