Today I want to explore another emotion that I sometimes experience. I sometimes feel jealous of others who are well and healthy.
Last week I had a visit from a friend who is a little older than myself. She was telling me about her very active life. She goes hiking twice a week, goes swimming, sings in a choir, goes to a needlework group once a week and often visits and stays with her family.
As she talked it reminded me of all the things that I used to do and have lost because of this chronic illness M.E.
I used to love walking and especially hiking. I used to love to swim. I used to love playing tennis. I used to love cycling. I used to belong to many evening classes and groups. I used to work full time. I would visit and go out with family and friends. I used to have a full and active life.
Now I'm mostly confined to my home. Any trips out are rare and usually make me feel worse and it takes a long while to recover.
So yes it does make me feel jealous. But what can I do with this jealousy? It only eats me up and makes me feel worse.
I can't spend my life wishing for what others have. Instead I must try and appreciate what I do have.
I must stop trying to compare myself to others.
I have to try and compensate and try to find other things to occupy my time and my mind.
I should try and remind myself that many people in this world do not have the basic things I take for granted.
Maybe I should understand that I have many things that other people would be jealous of.
So instead of feeling jealous and sorry for myself I'm now going to write a list of at least twenty things that I have that other people would want - even as basic as having running water.
Perhaps you might like to do the same.
Of those who can have a good time
Reminds me of a life once mine
Of those who are healthy and fit
That was me until I lost it
Of those who go to work each day
I never thought I`d feel that way
Of those who can plan life ahead
Mine is wrecked and I stay in bed
Of those who can fulfil their dreams