ALIVE BUT NOT LIVING

Bonjour, 

This blog is a revisit on the theme and my poem  ALIVE BUT NOT LIVING of which wrote about in January 2014. 

It reminds me of a quote from Spock in Star Trek " It's life Jim but not as we know it". 

Yes I have a life of sorts but it's not as it used to be before becoming ill. 

I'm alive but I don't feeling like I'm living. 
 

I don't know about you but I'm constantly reminded that other people have a full and busy life. They have a 'normal life'. 

Whereas I feel like I'm alive but not really living. 

A normal life means 

• going out to work 
• having a career
• enjoying a meal out at a restaurant
• able to socialise with family and friends in a bar or elsewhere
• taking a holiday 
• able to drive
• able to use public transport
• going out for the day to visit a place of interest
• able to pursue sports and physical activities eg swimming, tennis  
• going for a walk in the countryside 
• enjoying interests like yoga, choir singing   
• going shopping 
• being able to go to concerts, films or the theatre

When I speak to family and friends they tell me about all that is happening in their lives. In comparison my life seems uneventful and boring. 

My life is one where I am forced to rest and pace in order to avoid post exertional malaise or a relapse.

My life means

• unable to do any work
• abandoned career
• no longer able to go out and enjoy a meal in a restaurant
• unable to entertain at home
• difficult to socialise with family and friends
• most days alone at home
• a holiday will only lead to a relapse  
• unable to pursue any sports or physical activities 
• unable to drive or use public transport
• any walk outside of my home leads to post exertional malaise
• unable to pursue any hobbies and interests outside of my home
• shopping online 
• only contact is on social media which is a lifeline 
• suffering from a never ending malaise, lack of energy, pain and many other symptoms
• sleeping long hours both day and night 
• my bed and settee are my favourite places I visit!   

I'm sure that you can add to this list. Of course it depends on your level of disability. 

Anyway writing a blog like this takes enormous effort so I need to go and have a  lie down and have a sleep! 

Bonne nuit et Au revoir 
The French Femme xxx😪😫