NORMAL - what does that mean?

Bonjour, 

As I enter my 16th year of being ill I really can't recall what it's like to be 'normal'. 

Sometimes I talk to friends who have a 'normal' life and it reminds me of what I'm missing. 

I have a new normal. 

I wrote this poem a few years ago and it not only applies to me but to others who suffer with this illness M.E. 

At least I had half a life before I became ill. I did get married. I did have a child. I did have an interesting career. I did enjoy lots of activities and a social life. 
BUT for so many especially those who become ill at an early age all these things are denied. All hope seems to be gone. All dreams forsaken. This is so heartbreakingly cruel.    

Normal

What does that mean?

To me that’s only in a dream

To sleep

The whole night through

Five hours is the best I can do

At work

Five days a week

Of that I can no longer speak

Career

This started well

Now it’s all shot and gone to hell

Shopping

A happy event

Perhaps an exhausting hour spent

The pub

A beer or two

But alcohol is now taboo

Visit

My family

Is always difficult for me 

Talking

On phone with friends

With mental fatigue it soon ends

A walk

What a pleasure

Hundred metres is my measure

Bike ride

Down country road

Instead my bike is better sold

Romance

And chance for love

Instead I look to heaven above

Marriage

One of my dreams

Now that is unlikely it seems

Children

A hope one day

What chance now I am forced to say 

Normal

What does that mean?

Hope lost, life wrecked, a broken dream.............!!!

Sometimes I like to pretend that there's nothing wrong with me. I like to pretend that I'm normal and healthy. It doesn't last long of course! 

It's sometimes easier when I meet new people to pretend that I'm 'normal'. 

It's easier than trying to explain what's wrong with me. My illness is not easy to explain, it varies so much and there are so many symptoms.

The only people who can truly understand are those like me with the same or a similar illness.  

Do you also like to pretend you are normal or are you so ill that it's impossible? 

Of course there are times when I feel worse and then it's very apparent that I'm ill. 

Anyway I can always dream and hope that one day I'll have my life back and be 'normal' once again. 

À bientôt

from the French Femme

xxx