As I enter my 16th year of being ill I really can't recall what it's like to be 'normal'.
Sometimes I talk to friends who have a 'normal' life and it reminds me of what I'm missing.
I have a new normal.
I wrote this poem a few years ago and it not only applies to me but to others who suffer with this illness M.E.
At least I had half a life before I became ill. I did get married. I did have a child. I did have an interesting career. I did enjoy lots of activities and a social life.
BUT for so many especially those who become ill at an early age all these things are denied. All hope seems to be gone. All dreams forsaken. This is so heartbreakingly cruel.
Normal
What
does that mean?
To
me that’s only in a dream
To
sleep
The
whole night through
Five
hours is the best I can do
At
work
Five
days a week
Of
that I can no longer speak
Career
This
started well
Now
it’s all shot and gone to hell
Shopping
A
happy event
Perhaps
an exhausting hour spent
The
pub
A
beer or two
But
alcohol is now taboo
Visit
My
family
Is
always difficult for me
Talking
On
phone with friends
With
mental fatigue it soon ends
A
walk
What
a pleasure
Hundred
metres is my measure
Bike
ride
Down
country road
Instead
my bike is better sold
Romance
And
chance for love
Instead
I look to heaven above
Marriage
One
of my dreams
Now
that is unlikely it seems
Children
A
hope one day
What
chance now I am forced to say
Normal
What
does that mean?
Hope
lost, life wrecked, a broken dream.............!!!
Sometimes I like to pretend that there's nothing wrong with me. I like to pretend that I'm normal and healthy. It doesn't last long of course!
It's sometimes easier when I meet new people to pretend that I'm 'normal'.
It's easier than trying to explain what's wrong with me. My illness is not easy to explain, it varies so much and there are so many symptoms.
The only people who can truly understand are those like me with the same or a similar illness.
Do you also like to pretend you are normal or are you so ill that it's impossible?
Of course there are times when I feel worse and then it's very apparent that I'm ill.
Anyway I can always dream and hope that one day I'll have my life back and be 'normal' once again.
À bientôt
from the French Femme
xxx
