This blog is a revisit on the theme and my poem ALIVE BUT NOT LIVING of which wrote about in January 2014.
It reminds me of a quote from Spock in Star Trek " It's life Jim but not as we know it".
Yes I have a life of sorts but it's not as it used to be before becoming ill.
I'm alive but I don't feeling like I'm living.
I don't know about you but I'm constantly reminded that other people have a full and busy life. They have a 'normal life'.
Whereas I feel like I'm alive but not really living.
A normal life means
- going out to work
- having a career
- enjoying a meal out at a restaurant
- able to socialise with family and friends in a bar or elsewhere
- taking a holiday
- able to drive
- able to use public transport
- going out for the day to visit a place of interest
- able to pursue sports and physical activities eg swimming, tennis
- going for a walk in the countryside
- enjoying interests like yoga, choir singing
- going shopping
- being able to go to concerts, films or the theatre
When I speak to family and friends they tell me about all that is happening in their lives. In comparison my life seems uneventful and boring.
My life is one where I am forced to rest and pace in order to avoid post exertional malaise or a relapse.
My life means
- unable to do any work
- abandoned career
- no longer able to go out and enjoy a meal in a restaurant
- unable to entertain at home
- difficult to socialise with family and friends
- most days alone at home
- a holiday will only lead to a relapse
- unable to pursue any sports or physical activities
- unable to drive or use public transport
- any walk outside of my home leads to post exertional malaise
- unable to pursue any hobbies and interests outside of my home
- shopping online
- only contact is on social media which is a lifeline
- suffering from a never ending malaise, lack of energy, pain and many other symptoms
- sleeping long hours both day and night
- my bed and settee are my favourite places I visit!
I'm sure that you can add to this list. Of course it depends on your level of disability.
Anyway writing a blog like this takes enormous effort so I need to go and have a lie down and have a sleep!
Bonne nuit et Au revoir
The French Femme xxx😪😫
