I PUSHED TOO FAR

Bonjour, 

As many of you know throughout May 2020 I shared one of my poems every day to raise M.E. awareness and better understanding. 

This year I didn't share as widely as last year as it took a serious toll on my level of health. It's a really hard and challenging task to complete.Both last year and this year I nearly gave up but with some wonderful support I carried out my promise. 

Anyway the top five poems for this year were as follows 

1. I pushed too far
2. M.E. Groundhog Day
3. Pretend
4. Turn the clocks back 
5. Sadness 

You can see and share my poems from my Facebook Page, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.

Feel free to share any of my poems at any time. Although there is a lot more M.E. awareness raising and sharing in May it can and must continue throughout the year. 

So this is the winning poem and it seemed to resonate with so many people 

This is a common scenario for many of us who become ill with M.E. especially at the debut of the illness. At that stage we most likely have no idea what is wrong with us and diagnosis can be difficult and long. I had to wait a year before I was given a diagnosis and I’ve heard of cases of where people have to wait much longer than that.

Even when I had a diagnosis I had little help or advice apart to do graded exercise.
So I pushed myself despite how I felt and despite the pain. I knew next to nothing about M.E.
In my ignorance I probably pushed myself too much and for too long, hoping that one day I would recover. I also had a mortgage and bills to pay. I was a single mother. I couldn’t afford to stop working. So I did everything to stay in work. Now I wonder at what cost.

How many of you have made the same mistake and pushed yourself too far at the beginning of your illness? How many of you have been forced to continue working? How many feel that you have caused permanent and lasting damage?

In the early stages of the illness we are most likely clueless and with little or next to no help. Maybe now with the internet and social media people are better informed. I had an unsympathetic doctor and only one book for guidance.

I now know in hindsight and from what I have learnt in later years that lots of rest in the early stages of the illness is likely to lead to a better prognosis. If only I had known that before!

In the early stages we are unlikely to know

• That PEM will occur after physical or cognitive exertion
• That prolonged physical and/or cognitive exertion will
   cause a relapse
• That relapse can last weeks, months or years
• A relapse may become severe and permanent
• How to pace
• That we need to rest, rest and rest
• The amount of rest we need

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK284902/#sec_073

I’ve taken a few quotes from the superb book ‘Shattered, life with M.E.’ by Lynn Michell who echoes what I have experienced and write about in my poems.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Shattered-M-Dr-Lynn-M…/…/0007155034

“Anecdotal evidence suggests that those who get an early diagnosis and who rest thoroughly in the first months stand a better chance of an early and full recovery.

But people with M.E. do not know that the harder they push, the more likely they are to propel themselves into a more profound version of the illness. Only with the wisdom of hindsight and armed with more information can they say, ‘If only I had known, I would have rested more and I might not be so ill now’.

Others struggle on because they are the breadwinners and fight off the alternative of exchanging financial security for the subsistence living of disability benefits – assuming they are granted them. Others struggle because they have young children or are single parents.

Their determination to carry on was finally thwarted when their symptoms overwhelmed and defeated them. “

It just remains to say a big THANK YOU for all those who have shared my poems and please continue to do so. 

 À bientôt

from the French Femme

xxx