Sunday, 21 June 2015



Comment ca va? 

I want to do a series of blogs about how are relationships are affected by being ill with M.E.

We change with this illness as we can longer function the same. 
So inevitably our relationships and interactions with others change. 

This first blog is about the changing relationship between partners, husbands and wives. Often there are breakdowns and break-ups. 

Some are fortunate to have all help and support that they need. 

Some become abused and isolated. 

Sometimes the partners are unable to cope with this illness and all the complications that arise.  

It must be hard for a loved one to see how we suffer, change and no longer well enough to share the same things.  

So many of us push ourselves beyond our limits because we don't want to let our partners down. There are so many expectations and demands on us.  
We start to feel guilty 

Feeling Guilty

I’m feeling so guilty
Because I can’t help you
But I don’t have a choice
There’s so little I can do

I’m feeling so guilty
This illness is to blame
It’s not really my fault
I’m no longer the same

I’m feeling so guilty
As I depend on you
So please don’t resent me
There’s so much I can’t do

I’m feeling so guilty
As I rely on you
I feel like a failure
When there’s nothing I do

I’m feeling so guilty
Since I really need you
And I’m letting you down
But don’t know what to do

I’m feeling so guilty
I can’t cope without you
But I appreciate
Everything you do

Do you feel guilty? 

I think in the past I have often pushed myself so as to be with my husband and do things with him or for him. 

The problem is that if you don't say how you feel you end up making yourself worse.

I think you need to be honest and open about how you feel. 

Tell your partner how you appreciate all that he or she does to help and support you. I think communication is important. 

Still I guess it's hard to avoid feeling guilty.

Well on that thought I leave you until the next blog about our relationships

A bientot
From the French Femme 



  1. Guilt:
    We've done nothing wrong. We didn't choose to be ill. We often have many other conditions and co-morbidities that we can do nothing about.

    But If we are doing the best we can to rid ourselves of the symptoms that we can affect then I don't see we have anything to feel guilty of.

    Taking these thoughts further, for me:
    This is very good time to consider guilt as I have selfishly chosen to do more than I should this last week. This course is great personal therapy for me. Hopefully benefiting my behavior modification too.

    I strongly feel it is up to me to really "own" my illness and what I am doing about it. This is an important concept for me to grasp, and I'm only slowly understanding and doing it. Alas, I seem to have become temporarily blind to my responsibilities here.

    Personally speaking,when I choose to do more than I should and create a crash or relapse, I feel guilty, Especially after considering an activity, acknowledging that it is likely to be too much, and still going ahead with it. Ack!!!

    I feel now guilty that I have chosen put a burden on my husband and maybe some others too. I should feel guilty for letting myself down. This relapse will last for at least a month and make a lot of my plans either impossible or expensive to cancel.

    And for me personally, so I should feel guilty.. Guilt to me is for my selfish behavior that I should have more self-control over and less greed to modify and reduce my need for too much activity.

    Back to my diary and marking up big Xes for the days before and after high level out-of-the house activities. At present I should not plan anything back to back for the next 30 days.

    Thanks for the chance to participate in this very salutary discussion. I hope I can use its revelations to alter my behavior and get back on the road to rebuilding my healthy foundations.

    1. Thank you Suella for your thoughts. I don't think we can help feeling guilty at times. And of course the guilt can work both ways. Communication about how we feel is hard and draining. Yet I think it's important if we want to maintain our relationships. We should take some responsibility but then of course those feelings of guilt perhaps entice us into doing more than is good for our health. We need to find a balance.