I seem to be crying a lot lately. It's either something on the news, a sad film, or a post on facebook. I've gone through quite a few tissues 😢
I know that emotional symptoms are a part of M.E. and it's not just me.
The emotional symptoms include mood swings (emotional lability) - crying easily, excessive irritability or intense emotions such as rage, terror, overwhelming grief, anxiety, depression and guilt. Anxiety and panic attacks may occur. These emotional symptoms in M.E. seem to be linked to exacerbations to an increase in physical symptoms.
Even Dr A. Melvin Ramsay wrote
"Emotional lability is often a feature in a person of previous stable personality, while sudden bouts of uncontrollable weeping may occur. Impairment of judgement and insight in severe cases completes the 'encephalitic' component of the syndrome"
That makes sense because when I feel more ill I also feel more emotionally vulnerable. My long term and close friends have also seen and remarked on the changes they have seen in me. It's as if I've gone through some sort of personality change!
Since becoming ill in 2002 I've gone through all emotions of one sort or another. I'm sure you can also identify with them.
One of my poems is about those emotions.
Emotions of M.E.
When I`m treated like a fake
Is it worth the energy to educate?
By many a cruel comment
You've no idea of my pain and torment
Of those who can`t understand
Think I am well and don`t need a helping hand
I `ve lost family and friend
Because this illness they can not comprehend
Most days I spend all alone
No person I see or speak to on the phone
Not to make that planned trip out
Leaves me feeling like I want to cry or shout
When I`m confined to my bed
I need to rest my tired body and head
Having no control in life
How can I plan to do anything I like?
I feel my life has ended
So much lost with no chance it can be mended
As there`s no ending in sight
Hard to continue this unrelenting fight
By benefit I must claim
But how difficult I find it to explain
When I can`t breathe properly
Feels like my life is slipping away from me
By nightmares or a strange dream
That seem so real and lifelike, what do they mean?
And panic with any stress
Which makes my symptoms worse and causes distress
When I can`t recall a word
I feel brain dead, confused and somewhat absurd!
So many tears with this pain
All I want is to feel normal once again?
By the ignorance I find
From doctors with no answer and doubt of mind
After all kinds of treatment
Thinking there`s no cure apart from heaven sent
When sleep eludes me each night
Even though I`m exhausted and need some respite
When you say I look so well
But I feel so very ill. Why you can`t tell?
When I have a better day
To feel maybe this illness will go away
I'm sure there are a few other emotions that can be added to this list.
Love and hugs from
The French Femme 💖