This blog is going to be a bit more personal but one you can probably relate to if your life has also changed because of chronic lifelong illness.
They say that you should never look back in the past or too far in the future but live in the moment.
However I have found myself recently looking at old photos of myself and realise how my life has changed.
I once had a job and a career.
I once used to enjoy many activities outside of work, in the evenings and at the weekends.
I once used to take part in conferences and meet interesting people.
I once had an active social life.
I once used to be able to join in fully with family events and occasions.
I once used to go on foreign holidays.
I once used to be able to take long walks and see interesting places.
I once used to enjoy playing tennis, swimming, cycling and hiking.
I once felt well and healthy.
Now all that has gone and my life has changed.
My life is limited and restricted by this illness M.E.
So when I look back at photos I'm reminded of what my life used to be like and I feel sad.
Some may say that people with M.E. don't look ill but I can see the illness and suffering in my eyes when occasionally a photo is taken of me now.
Well I had better put my photos away. It's not good to look back but it does remind me from time to time of what I've lost.
Instead I should try to be grateful for what I still have.....
From the French Femme xxx
I`m looking at photos
Of those days from the past
Which were full and active
Sadly they didn't last
When looking at photos
It`s a stranger I see
My life has changed so much
By this illness in me
I look back at photos
And feel upset to see
A different person
One healthy and happy
When I look at photos
I don`t recognise me
An echo of myself
Of how I used to be
If I look at photos
Taken more recently
I look like a shadow
Of a person once me
I look at my photos
And wish for the old me
That one in the photos
Young, fit and healthy.